What to Expect When You Start Dating: 10 Honest Guidelines
So you’ve decided to start dating again! Congratulations, that’s the biggest and sometimes scariest step to take!
Dating now feels tougher than ever, especially with more apps it seems out there than singles, and social media constantly telling you the way dating ‘should’ look.
So here are my 10 honest guidelines for dating expectations and ‘getting back out there’.
1. Know Who YOU are Before You Jump in to a Relationship
Before taking that next step, make sure you take time to understand who YOU are. Make sure you are clear on your values, boundaries, and goals. Dating should NEVER be about filling a gap, it should be about adding someone to your life and creating something amazing TOGETHER. When you know who you are yourself, you’re less likely to lose your identity for someone else.
2. Don’t Start Dating Just Because Your Friends Are
It’s so easy to feel like you should be dating just because everyone else is! Pressure from friends, social media, or feeling “behind” can push people into dating or a relationship before they’re truly ready. It’s important to remember that finding the right person for you isn’t a race. It’s okay to wait until you genuinely want to and are ready to be in a relationship, not just because it seems like the ‘thing to do’.
3. Make Sure You are Honest About Your Intentions
One of the biggest issues with dating is people lacking honesty about their intentions. If you’re looking for something casual, something serious, or you’re just figuring things out, be honest about it. When you are clear about your intentions, it saves misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt on either side. When you are honest from the off, it helps to build trust and respect.
4. Communication Matters
Arguably one of the most important of the guidelines, communication. It isn’t just about talking, it’s about listening too! Always be sure to ask questions, and never assume. If something bothers you, address it calmly in the moment (if possible) instead of letting it build up to become something greater than it needs to be.
5. Your Boundaries May Not be Respected
When dating someone, it’s SO important to remember that boundaries are not rules to control someone. They are limits that protect your comfort and your well-being. Whether they are emotional, physical, or time-related, your boundaries matter and are as important as the other individuals so make sure you communicate them clearly to the person you are dating.
6. Actions Speak Louder than Words
It’s all well and good making compliments and promises, but actions reveal TRUE intentions. Consistency, respect, and effort matter MUCH more than big speeches. If someone’s words and actions don’t match the promises and words they speak, take note of this.
7. Don’t Change your Entire Life for a Relationship
Remember that a healthy relationship is supposed to ADD to your life. Your relationship should never replace your lifestyle and what makes you, you! It’s easy to want to move plans to be able to accommodate a date or stop doing something to keep the other person happy. Make sure to keep your friendships, hobbies, goals, and personal time. You should never have to shrink your world or yourself to make room for someone else.
8. Conflict Is Normal
Everyone is human with human feelings and opinions. Disagreements WILL happen. What is important is how they’re handled. Name-calling, manipulation, or ignoring issues completely are red flags, especially in the early days of dating. Remember healthy conflict like calm discussion, taking accountability, and a willingness to understand each other is a huge green flag!
9. Trust Your Gut
When you are dating, if something feels off, there’s normally a high chance that feeling is valid, so don’t ignore it. Your instincts exist for a reason. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, you are absolutely within your right to take a step back/walk away. Feeling safe and respected in every aspect of life is a non-negotiable.
10. MOST Important: Remember You Can Always Walk Away
Dating is supposed to be FUN and not supposed to feel like a chore. Remember it’s totally okay to change your mind! Ending a relationship or deciding to no longer date someone doesn’t mean you failed; it means you respected yourself enough to choose what’s best for you and that is so important.
The expectation around dating in this day and age can sometimes seem unrealistic and these above guidelines are there as a reminder to stay true to YOU and what it is that YOU want, whilst also enjoying the dating process (hopefully!). And if it doesn’t go right the first time, remember sometimes people are put in our path for a reason and not a season.
